Smart jokes...Takes a minute to figure out!
👉 It’s hard to take kleptomaniacs and puns seriously. Why?
They take things literally.
👉 Three logicians walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?”
The first logician says, “I don’t know.”
The second logician says the same.
The third says “Yes!”
👉 Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.
Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!”
Newton replies, “You didn’t find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”
👉 A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
“You mean a martini?, ” asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.”
👉 Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says “Five beers, please!”
👉 A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor hands the baby to the dad. His wife asks if it’s a boy or girl.
The logician replies “Yes."
👉 How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
👉 Pavlov is at a bar enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he shouts, “Oh! I forgot to feed the dog.”
👉 Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” Helium doesn’t react.
👉 Shrodinger’s cat walks into the bar and doesn’t.
👉 A buddhist monk approaches a burger food truck and says, “Make me one with everything.”
The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid.
“Where’s my change?, ” the monk asks.
The vendor replies, “Change comes from within”.
👉 A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says “We don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.”
The Higgs Boson replied, “Well, without me, you can’t have mass.”
👉 A programmer’s wife asks him to pick up a loaf of bread and, if they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread.
👉 There’s a band called 1023 MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet though.
👉 It’s hard to take kleptomaniacs and puns seriously. Why?
They take things literally.
👉 Three logicians walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?”
The first logician says, “I don’t know.”
The second logician says the same.
The third says “Yes!”
👉 Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.
Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!”
Newton replies, “You didn’t find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”
👉 A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
“You mean a martini?, ” asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.”
👉 Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says “Five beers, please!”
👉 A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor hands the baby to the dad. His wife asks if it’s a boy or girl.
The logician replies “Yes."
👉 How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
👉 Pavlov is at a bar enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he shouts, “Oh! I forgot to feed the dog.”
👉 Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” Helium doesn’t react.
👉 Shrodinger’s cat walks into the bar and doesn’t.
👉 A buddhist monk approaches a burger food truck and says, “Make me one with everything.”
The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid.
“Where’s my change?, ” the monk asks.
The vendor replies, “Change comes from within”.
👉 A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says “We don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.”
The Higgs Boson replied, “Well, without me, you can’t have mass.”
👉 A programmer’s wife asks him to pick up a loaf of bread and, if they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread.
👉 There’s a band called 1023 MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet though.
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